Ever dreamed of seeing yourself ball out on the virtual court in NBA 2K? NBA 2K17 offered just that with its MyCareer mode face scan feature. Imagine taking your own, unique look and dropping it right into the game. That’s exactly what I tried to do, with results that were… well, let’s just say they were uniquely me.
As you can see above, that is me, or at least, NBA 2K17’s interpretation of me through their face scan technology. The game promised to capture your likeness and seamlessly integrate it into your MyCareer player. And to its credit, the scan itself worked remarkably well. It even managed to pick up the scar above my right eye – a souvenir from a less-than-graceful laser tag incident. Every… imperfection, let’s call them “character marks,” were faithfully rendered in digital form. What the scan couldn’t capture, however, was my profound lack of basketball skills and even more profound lack of NBA 2K17 know-how.
My NBA 2K17 MyCareer Begins (Badly)
I’m a basketball fan. I enjoy watching the pros. But when it comes to actually playing basketball, especially virtually in NBA 2K17, my expertise is… limited. My understanding of basketball strategy boils down to something vaguely resembling “grit” and “hustle.” You know, the kind of intangible qualities that might prevent you from, say, blowing a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals. Spoiler alert: grit and hustle alone weren’t going to carry my digital doppelganger to NBA stardom in NBA 2K17 MyCareer.
In the spirit of… well, something, I attempted to name my player something memorable. “The Warriors Blew A 3-1 Lead In The NBA Finals” was my first choice, but character limits are a cruel mistress. So, “The Warriors Ble” became my first name, and “W A Three-One Le” my last. Number 69 seemed fitting for reasons I’m not entirely sure of anymore.
NBA 2K17’s MyCareer mode starts after high school, and so my journey began with a conversation with my virtual high school coach. He seemed surprisingly unfazed by the fact that his star player looked like a slightly weathered, definitely balding 30-something year old. He offered some generic but encouraging advice about fundamentals, and then it was time to choose a college. I opted for Louisville, a nod to my Kentucky stepfather and his unique pronunciation of “Loovulle.” Looking back, I suspect even my virtual coach, who bore an uncanny resemblance to a certain political commentator wearing a rubber mask of himself, knew I was destined to let Loovulle down.
Everything you do in your college career in NBA 2K17 MyCareer – a public practice and a handful of games – contributes to a scouting grade. This grade determines your draft position. Good shots, smart passes, and that elusive “basketball IQ” are key. Unfortunately, my basketball IQ was hovering somewhere around room temperature.
No Tutorial? No Problem (Actually, Big Problem)
I naively assumed NBA 2K17’s MyCareer would be a gentle introduction to the game, a tutorial disguised as a career mode. I was profoundly wrong. No hand-holding, no basic instructions – just thrown into the deep end of virtual basketball.
As a center, I had absolutely no idea what a center was actually supposed to do. My brilliant strategy? Stand directly under the basket. It’s the center, right? Centers go in the center. Dunks are cool, scouts like dunks, right? Wrong. Three-second violations. Multiple times. Missed shots. Dunked on. College basketball stardom was not in my immediate future.
The controls in NBA 2K17 are… extensive. Intimidatingly so. Faced with a control scheme that looked more complex than a fighter jet’s cockpit, I resorted to spinning the analog sticks. Surely, something basketball-like would happen? Turns out, spinning analog sticks doesn’t translate to basketball genius. My teammates seemed to agree, as passes became rarer than hen’s teeth. My practice session ended with zero points and a growing sense of digital humiliation.
The press, ever-present in the world of MyCareer, weighed in. “The Warriors Ble w a three-one le’s feel for the game is still raw,” wrote Peter Edmiston. “His basketball IQ is going to need to take a big step up if he wants to play at the next level.” Excuse me, Peter, but I stood in the center! What more do you want from a center? Apparently, quite a lot. My draft projection plummeted from mid-first round to late-first round. At least they got a good photo, I guess.
Slight Progress (Very Slight)
After a virtual phone call with my virtual mom (who, shamefully, I’d spoken to more than my real mom that month), game two arrived. Miraculously, I managed 7 points! Zero rebounds, zero assists, zero blocks, but a D+ scouting grade! Progress! Of sorts.
“Raw,” declared Nate Duncan. “The Warriors Ble needs to cut down on the mental errors, and show more value for the ball.” Nate, the ball is precious to me! It’s like a… slightly deflated, orange child!
Duncan, of course, was right. NBA 2K17’s gameplay, even for a complete novice like myself, is clearly deep and nuanced. The sheer number of actions mapped to the analog sticks and triggers is impressive. Mid-air changes, post shimmy hooks – if you know what those things are and how to execute them, NBA 2K17 lets you do it. (Spoiler: I didn’t). My player, a 6’11”, 258 lb redwood tree on a yoga ball, wasn’t exactly helping matters.
Desperate to improve, I briefly abandoned MyCareer for some practice mode. Playing as Steph Curry, movement and shooting started to click. The animations in NBA 2K17 are incredibly fluid, and the game ran smoothly at 60fps on my older GTX Titan, even supporting ultrawide resolutions. Movement was the biggest hurdle. Accustomed to characters stopping instantly when you release the stick, NBA 2K17’s player weight and momentum felt different. Each analog stick movement is a deliberate action, requiring a different kind of control. Eventually, I started to get the hang of Curry’s quick layups and threes. Dunking with Curry? Apparently not in my skillset. Demerits awarded.
Stepping (Slightly) Up
Back in Loovulle, my game remained… inconsistent. One B- performance, fueled by accidental rebounds, hinted at potential. Confidence, however misplaced, was growing. Virtual mom got another call, this time about going pro. Why any team would draft me was a mystery, but MyCareer seemed to expect even the most inept players to eventually reach the NBA. My nickname, “The President,” (a bizarre story involving an American flag) even became a source of virtual ridicule from some online personality who suggested impeachment.
But then, inexplicably, Team USA came calling. Despite being arguably the worst college basketball player in history, I was on the roster. Bench warming was my primary role, but against Australia, I somehow managed 6 points and 3 rebounds. Not bad for someone who felt like an alien wearing human skin. Draft day loomed, and things were… surprisingly okay for The Warriors Ble W A Three-One Le, despite the disastrous college career.
NBA 2K17’s MyCareer cutscenes are unskippable. This meant enduring the entire first round of the draft. Twenty-seven picks. Normally, you’re supposed to be good, drafted early. Not me. Pick 28: Phoenix Suns. I was a pro.
Suddenly, I was treated like a star. Agent, shoe deals, the works. All while being objectively the worst player on the Suns. A calendar of games, practices, promotional events opened up. A whole NBA story was waiting to unfold. Instead, I retired after one practice. Failed every drill. Pick and rolls? Still a mystery. NBA life wasn’t for The Warriors Ble W A Three-One Le. Back to college, political science seemed a safer bet.
MyCareer mode clearly has much more to offer for those who persevere. NBA stardom, endorsements, the whole virtual nine yards. But maybe, just maybe, getting somewhat competent at NBA 2K17 should be a prerequisite. And perhaps, next time, I’ll skip the face scan.
Despite the digital basketball ineptitude, MyCareer was fun. The unskippable cutscenes, Matt Walsh’s virtual doppelganger – a bit much. And it’s definitely not a tutorial. But sitting on the bench, waiting for a chance, wanting to impress the virtual crowd, feeling the pressure – that was genuinely engaging. MyCareer taps into that sports fantasy: humble yet secretly the greatest of all time. Living out those athletic dreams virtually, without real-world consequences, is surprisingly appealing. Maybe sucking at NBA 2K17 isn’t so bad after all.
